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Toilet Tissue Issues

September 17, 2009

I just came across this on my hard drive. I wrote it years ago when our church seemed to be using toilet paper far more quickly than we would have expected.

Toilet Tissue Issues

We have had a few problems over recent weeks with the amount of toilet paper being used. Unless we get a fresh, new supply of paper in the next few weeks, we will have to consider the imposition of restrictions.

In the meantime, we would ask all users to review the amount of paper they are using in the course of their duties.

For your information, here is a copy of the official Schedule of Restrictions.

Schedule of Restrictions (Toilet Paper)

Section 1: Regulations

Paragraph (1)

Notwithstanding Paragraph (2), restrictions may be imposed at the discretion of the Corps Officer. There are no absolute measures indicating the necessity to move between levels. The Corps Officer is not bound to move from restriction to restriction sequentially.

Any imposition of Restrictions should be accompanied by appropriate counselling and training in the care, use and conservation of Toilet Paper.

Paragraph (2)

Restrictions Level 5 may only be imposed with one week’s notice from the Corps Officer, issued by way of

a.prominent notice in all bathrooms
b.memo to all regular users

Section 2: Schedule of Restrictions

1. Toilet paper will be rationed on a bathroom by bathroom basis:

a.Women’s bathroom two rolls per week.
b.Men’s bathroom one roll per week.
c.Disabled bathroom one roll per week.
Any variation to these levels must be approved by the Corps Officer.

2. Toilet paper will be rationed on a bathroom by bathroom basis:

a.Women’s bathroom one roll per week.
b.Men’s bathroom one roll per fortnight.
c.Disabled bathroom one roll per week.
Any variation to these levels must be approved by the Corps Officer.

3. Toilet rolls will only be issued on application to Corps Officer (or nominee). The Corps Officer (or nominee) will not normally dispense more paper than prescribed in Restriction Level 2.
4. Toilet paper will only be issued on application to the Corps Officer (or nominee):

1. (Women only) two squares.
2. (Men and women) four squares.
3. Other uses must be accompanied with a written explanation.

5. Toilet paper will issued according to the provisions in Level 4. It may only be used with supervision by the Corps Officer (or nominee).

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